The average length of BPD relationship is about two years and six months. The reason is that anyone with Borderline Personality Disorder has difficulty with the give-and-take and trust, which are essential factors for any close relationship.
Moreover, someone with BPD is generally quite impulsive, which may cause problems like infidelity or reckless spending. Therefore, for a relationship with people with BPD, it is not uncommon to be marked by constant distress, drama, and conflict.
If you are in a relationship with anybody with BPD, it will be helpful for you to have professional help to learn how to deal with the challenges in the best way you face them.
What is the Average Length of BPD Relationship?
The average length of BPD relationship is relatively shorter compared to stable relationships. According to a study, the BPD relationship’s average length is 2-3 years.
That’s why people with Borderline Personality Disorder generally struggle to form and maintain good relationships, particularly emotional and romantic ones.
They can be compulsive and needy, have emotional swings and much more. This will put a strain on the relationship. Moreover, it is a known characteristic of BPD to have difficulty maintaining the relationship.
What you will also notice about dating anyone with Borderline Personality Disorder is how quickly they can go from idolizing you to unliking or hating you.
Generally, BPD people have all-or-nothing thinking or dichotomous thinking. It means they see others (either people or things) as all bad or all good.
It may make it difficult for the BPD people to see the middle ground, generally where the relationships exist.
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Challenges in a Relationship When You Have a BPD Partner
A few of the significant challenges in a relationship with a BPD partner are:
Extreme Emotional Swings
It is challenging to maintain a healthy relationship when you cannot anticipate your partner’s emotional state from one day to the next. They could be joyful and content one moment and then angry and destructive the next. It just depended on the situation. Due to this, maintaining a healthy relationship can be challenging. After all, you are forced to tread carefully because you never know what might constantly set off the other person’s negative emotions.
You might also blame yourself for setting them off, even though it is not your fault.
In some cases it might be beneficial write in a journal, just so that you can stay in check with your own emotions.
Side Note! If you are interested in what are the different benefits of journaling, click here to checkout this post.
Behaviors that are Compulsive and Necessary
Those who have borderline personality disorder generally have needy and compulsive behaviors. They might require continuous attention and reassurance, and if they don’t get it, they might develop possessive or jealous tendencies. This can make you feel like you’re suffocating, making it challenging to keep your identity in a relationship. You may start feeling that you’re not good enough or that you’re not doing enough to make them happy. Both of these feelings are common.
Fury to the Extreme
Those who suffer from BPD frequently have outbursts of irrational anger. They might utter words and carry out actions that they would later regret, and they might resort to violent behaviour to vent their rage. This brings conflict and tension in the relationship, and it is not good to be on their anger’s receiving end.
Untruthfulness
Relationships are built on trust, but people with BPD often lie or withhold information. They might do this to defend themselves or to stay out of trouble. In either case, it breeds a great deal of distrust and can make it challenging to maintain a positive relationship.
Unreliability
Due to their compulsive behaviour, people with BPD are frequently unreliable. They might make plans but not follow through with them or say one thing but act differently. As a result, it might be challenging for you to rely on them, and you might feel frustrated and alone.
It’s crucial to realize that you are not to blame for the BPD of the person you are dating or living with because you did nothing to bring about the disorder.
Can BPD Relationships Survive Over Time?
Relationships with someone with BPD can work, despite having a much shorter relationship expectancy than the average. There are many happy marriages between individuals who may even have borderline personality disorder.
This is because most people can manage BPD with the appropriate treatment. It’s critical to remember that individuals with BPD are like everyone else; their disorder influences their behaviour. They can learn how to manage their condition and form stable, long-term relationships with the proper care.
The Issue with Ending a BPD Relationship
You can’t have a relationship with a BDP partner casually; there should be some guide and format available to get rid of it respectfully. All because they have a certain level of emotions, fragile skin, and fear of losing someone.
So, always keep in mind to avoid such things that trigger the feelings and emotions of your BDP partner. So, communication should be your priority in such cases. By communicating, you can easily disassociate yourself from the other person without hurting their sentiments.
For How Long Will Borderline Idealization Last?
It is different for everybody. For some, the relationship may last forever. And for some, it may fade after several months/years.
When You Have To Leave a BPD Relationship?
It doesn’t matter how much you love anyone; sometimes, you can’t stay together. When you feel your boundaries are not being respected, you realize you are insecure around them. You cannot maintain a stable relationship even with psychotherapy; it is time for you to leave.
After all, your physical and mental health is much more significant. You can’t help anyone with their mental health if your mental health is not good.
You should help your partner to control their behaviour; however, you are not your partner’s therapist. It is up to you how you feel about a therapist’s role; if you think this role is not suitable for you, it is probably not.
Until next time,
Luna
